Refining

I'm back in Boston after a whirlwind trip to the Philippines, the second in six months after ten years of being away. The meaning of the trip is still steeping and insights are yet to come. On a side note, the trip was a family reunion where all the Lims (including my sister's husband, Jason, and their two children, Skylar (9) and Riley (5)) were present together which was the first time in 30 years when we moved to the U.S.

As I move into the home stretch of my 'samaya deeksha' initial year of study with Paul Muller-Ortega, I'm compelled to write about a concept central to the non-dual form of Kashmir Saivism, a branch of Tantra, in the big tree of the Yoga Tradition. This concept is vikalpa-samaskara or the process of refining and dissolution of those parts of us (or behaviors) that either keep us in contracted states or limit our greatest, most authentic Self.

As a new student to this philosophy, I humbly place my understanding at the surficial level but give myself credit for almost 40 years of life experience where each breath and experience is a refinement of the previous one. Vikalpa-samaskara is not as easy as it seems and blogging about it is a disservice to it since it deserves a direct teaching from Paul Muller-Ortega himself. But, I consider myself a bridge and invite you to research and learn about this concept yourself and see how it fits into the matrix of your practice.

So, vikalpa-samaskara has been in my mind space, well, because my perception of life in the past six months has been quite different than before I started my practice in the ways of meditation, scriptural study, chanting, and contemplation by Paul Muller-Ortega. Again, like my previous post, unless you've had your own direct experience, this concept will remain a theory.

But consider the image of the furnace melting glass as a parallel to our practice of meditation melting away those "hard" parts of us or purifying away things we cannot even see or fully know. Paul has more than once said that 'we have to be able to stand in the fire of our meditation practices.' So, in these dynamic times, we cannot help but to refine ourselves as standing still may a source of suffering. May all our practices be for the benefit of all. Peace. Namaste.

Image credit: Ms. Kathleen, Glass Blower, Silver Dollar City, Branson, MO

Forgive and Be Free

Lately, in the whirl of my consciousness, my focus has settled on forgiveness. If you haven't had a recent life self-initiation experience into forgiveness, the concept has probably taken a back seat in your consciousness and it has as much meaning as a used tissue.

Then, if you're like me, someone raised in the Catholic tradition which was chosen for you by your parents, you have a dissonant relationship to the concept of which the amplitude is further increased by the messaging by over-the-top religiousity.

As a yogi on the spiritual path, I find myself relearning and adopting new meanings for deep concepts such as "forgiveness." (Hmm, idea for a series of blog postings).

My angle of entry into the vastness of forgiveness starts is the hard-time we give ourselves when we drop-the-ball on something that we said we would do (i.e., getting up early to practice or meditating in the evening to compliment your morning meditation). The list could go on for pages or many bytes where we pile onto ourselves an elephant's weight of guilt and negative self-talk.

As practioners, I suggest that we replace "let go" with "forgive yourself." I find that "letting go" and "surrendering" are concepts to which some people may not have traction, thus are unable to enter into that "liberated" state we are all seeking.

The second and more important part of the process requires receiving "forgive yourself" into your deepest self. "Receiving" requires taking a conscious moment of present awareness for the experience to have true meaning.

I leave you with a quote from Gurumayi from a copy of DARSHAN that I recently picked up.

"Once you forgive, truly a great alchemy takes place within yourself, and you feel so free, so good. You can breathe deeply and really appreciate the leaves on the trees and the sunlight and the sweetness coming from people. You open yourself to grace, and then grace comes pouring into your life."

PS. Thanks to Edgerton for the picture. You can find him on Flickr as well as many other artists who ply their art anonymously. Try typing any word and see how many people visualize it.

Gratitude

You know the expression 'well you never really miss anything except when it's gone.' Today, after my third wave of some type of sickness, I am experiencing the 'fog' of my perception lifted, a little bounce in my step (i.e., don't feel heavy), and a sense of vigor to work on my tasks and projects at work.

So, I'm grateful for being in this body and living in these times and grateful for all my connections in this world from family to yogis and yoginis far and wide to brief acquaintances (i.e., the woman who joined my conversation about my Klean Kanteen yesterday with a stranger at Whole Foods). I take a moment to say a prayer for all beings to be liberated even for one moment from what ever ails them so they experience this freedom.

For what are you grateful today?

Take a moment to be still and allow yourself to hold that vision to linger like steam slowly wafting upwards from a warm drink.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

Balance Is Not a Static State - Spring Equinox

MARCH 20 - Today is Spring Equinox which carries with it many symbolic meanings besides being a day where the amount of daylight and night time are equal.

The theme of balance is one I often use in my practice of teaching. My experience of balance has been deepened in my studies with Shiva Rea, my teacher, who weaves in primarily ayurvedic concepts.

As western creatures with many expectations and endless desires, I contend that we have been conditioned to find the magic bullet or the instant solution. Yoga, however, teaches us that balance is not a static state and varies depending on our current state when we got onto our mat or meditation cushion.

So on this Spring Equinox, allow your inner teacher to speak and tailor your practice to find inner and outer balance.

There Is So Much Magnificence

The title comes from a song on Shiva Rea's most recent compilation Yoga Sol.

I was in Tulum, Mexico last week co-leading a retreat from Sunday, February 22 to Saturday, February 28 with my friend Deborah Spielman.

Retreats are a great way to drop into a state of relaxation as you get separated from your daily life (wherever that is) and usually stay in comfortable accomodations with food prepared for you.

We mostly had picture perfect days with warm temperatures in the 80 degrees Fahrenheit though it did get windy in the afternoons.

Teaching and practicing yoga in a retreat environment is ideal because it takes less effort to let go of stress and truly enter a meditative state whether it is sitting in meditation or is practicting asana.

I contend that it is in this state that we get to experience expansive qualities that is a contrast to the sometimes contractive qualities of daily living with its challenges.

My current explorations in Kashmir Saivism remind me of Shiva's dual, non-dual quality of expansion and contraction, and revealment and concealment. I consider myself still a student of Kashmir Saivism, thus my wisdom is not at a state to articulately express this idea further, but I return to the title "There Is So Much Magnificence."

I do know that to be true and it's just a matter of continuing to practice (whether it's meditation or asana or both), then you truly believe from the inside-out.

It's been three weeks since I've been back from the Philippines - the Motherland, but the experience of the trip still percolates in many ways.

Last September, I had a dream that woke me from my sleep. In my dream, my aunt (Tita Dodie) died. Tita Dodie had been battling cancer all last year even travelling to China for treatment based on a raw food diet. So, I knew that my mother was travelling to the Philippines in January and I let her know that I wanted to join her. Little did I know that my dream was prescient because Tita Dodie passed away in November.

I had not been to the Philippines in almost 10 years when my cousin Clar got married, so I was due for a trip to be in the presence of my elders. My mothers siblings, Tita Mely (84), Tita Laly (70+), Tita Nina (70+), and Tito Teddy (70+), were still alive and kicking, so it was pleasant to share meals with them and be honored with a going-away dinner with over 20 relatives some of whom I had not seen since I left when I was 8 years old.

The above picture comes from Batad, a rice terrace nestled in a valley in Banaue, a mountain region about 9 hours drive north of Manila. The picture does not do it justice as the rice terraces were about 180 degrees of viewing. These terraces are over 1,000 years old and were developed by an indegeous tribe called the Ifugao.

Home Is Where Your Heart Is

I have been travelling to my parents' home for over 20 years now and there was one moment when driving to Virginia from Boston in my 20s when I realized that this ritual would always be in my life. I could remember sitting in the driver's seat at the Maryland House rest stop and experiencing a stamp on my adulthood creating a somatic reality of living on my own. It was a snapshot in time that one never forgets.

So, I left my tiny one-bedroom apartment this morning with my bags packed for half a day of work, followed by a trip to the airport, then I was reminded by the mess that I was leaving that I wished to create more of a physical home in my apartment. The mental list spoke out: altar needs refreshing, bathroom needs painting, and kitchen needs using.

The longing in my heart is only a reminder that home is where your heart is. Yoga has taught me many lessons and this is one of them. It's easy to get caught up in building the physical home but the past year has taught me that taking good care of oneself, truly loving your Life for what it is, accepting your body as it is, and being grateful for your gifts are part of being home where your heart is.

Warmest wishes to all for a joyous holiday season and continually expansive new year!